I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
