i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
