hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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