and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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