And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
