Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
