I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He felt like a one man threesome
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
