Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
