Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
