Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
