I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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