Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
