oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
