I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
