You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
