How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
