Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
