She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
