That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
