He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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