On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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