we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I think people are normalizing furries
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize