You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It's blow job season.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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