Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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