Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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