God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
