Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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