so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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