her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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