Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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