Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
