nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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