If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
