She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
