ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize