Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
