so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize