I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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