so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
