when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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