my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
