Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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