i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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