I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
