Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Randomize
