I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
