He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
