i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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