; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
