I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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