He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
