sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
