He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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