six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
