i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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