I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
