I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I did not marry a roomba.
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