I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
