Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
