girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize